My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
