I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
