Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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