I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
