At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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