So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
