I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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