Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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