2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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