Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
