Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
