were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
