Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
