nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
