If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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