Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
