I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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