Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
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