I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
