I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
