Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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