I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
