I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
