You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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