Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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