I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
