you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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