So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
