i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
