JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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