everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
