are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
