I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and she was petting her beer can
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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