she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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