Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
