He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
