3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
