Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
