My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
