We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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