Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
