Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
