You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
