ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
