i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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