then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
