we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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