So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
