Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
