Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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