i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I am midnight drunk by noon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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